My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
bring money and cleavage
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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