you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
i think i just lost a toe
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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