Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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