butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
