Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
