I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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