maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize