Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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