Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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