He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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