i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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