are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
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Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
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He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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