Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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