Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
as a side note pls kill me
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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