idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
i think my cat just said my name.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
