dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
