You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize