im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Randomize
