my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
We have started to decorate penises.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
