Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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