just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
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