So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
