he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
