In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
