so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
