You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
We have started to decorate penises.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
