Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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