I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Randomize
