Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
