Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
