Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Why did my mother make you get naked?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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