so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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