haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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