____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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