Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
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