i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
