Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
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My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
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But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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