i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Panties = found
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