I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
