True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
