omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
