you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
