well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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