He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
