Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
