New low: just hacked my moms facebook
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
