I just saw a hot homeless man
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
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