Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
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