he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
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Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
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When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
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