why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
