At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
