so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
