I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
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