So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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