so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
