This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
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Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
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