Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I want a musical about memes.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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