My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
it was like eating out sand paper
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
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Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
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I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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