I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
