he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
