R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
