make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
