google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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