giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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