I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
