After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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