It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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